Darkly Dreaming David Lettermen

The Department of Environment has stopped the proposed health spa in the mouth of Taal Volcano. What they don’t know is that, when the volcano erupts while you’re having a foot spa, you’ll also get a complimentary lahar body scrub. The Church has issued The Ten Commandments for Drivers. This is because the Church is still conservative. If the Church becomes liberal, they would come out with The Four Commandments and Six Suggestions. The Church has also decreed a dress-code for parishioners. Meanwhile, Congress is trying to figure out how much should taxes be for plunging-necklines and mini-skirts. Some Muslim leaders are suing Eli Soriano of Dating Daan for libel. Religious debates are fueled by lack of communication. What do you mean when you say “Evangelism”? What do you mean when you say “Missionary”? What do you mean when you say “Missionary Position”? The NAIA said that they will arrest bomb-jokers in the airport. Here’s even more chilling news: the NAIA also said that they will cancel the bomb-jokers’ air mileage credits. Some people are questioning why the Manila Zoo is being turned into a basketball stadium. They are also questioning why the animals are being transferred to the Batasan. An archeological discovery said that man’s development can be tracked by the genes of extinct body lice. It also said that reptiles have evolved and some of them became cops. To deter riding-in-tandem robbers, the MMDA said that motorcycle drivers have to plaster their plate numbers on their helmets. To deter extortionists, the MMDA also said that motorcycle drivers should stick in their helmets the sign “I Already Gave!”

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