October Diaries (Part 1)
Jonathan Aquino's Journals
October 1, 2013
"Thousands of people have gone down to me," began D, a female classmate. "I was ripped open by a large and hard object."
"Titanic!" I answered instantly.
Everybody else answered something else to that riddle, the same thing, rhymes with Virginia. It's also the first thought that popped into my mind. But I got the prize: chocolate candies.
"Almost heaven, West Virginia," sings John Denver in Take Me Home, Country Roads, "Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River..."
Take Me Home, Country Roads
(See also Huggybear's Favorite Songs By John Denver)
A colleague, M, told me that the apartment next to his will be vacant on the tenth. He said he'll talk to the landlord to work something out with my down payment for rent. I want to, but if I set on that course, then my expenses will go up just when there's so many things I need to prioritize and save up for. If I transfer, then I'm sure to step into a financial treadmill, about to get caught into an "infinite loop," to use a software engineering analogy. I haven't decided yet but I'm happy I was able to see the road ahead and the irony of it all.
J, one of my best friends, is planning to go somewhere. He asked me if I want to come. Of course I do. But I'm not ready yet. There are so many things I need to do first. What I haven't told anyone, not even him, is that I have lost everything. I'm starting all over again. I've been adrift and it's only now that I'm tentatively walking towards dry land. Do I want to go? Yes. Am I meant to? I don't know. If I am, then I will be there. But first I need to reach solid ground.
I came across a situation today that got me thinking. A guy is being urged by his wife to go abroad to work. I see the economic reasons. What I don't understand is what it means. Me, if I love a person, then I would set her free to reach for her dreams. If she would be happier to be with somebody else, then I will leave, no matter how it hurts. But what I can never do is to push her away. I just can't. If she chooses to be with me no matter happens, then it means I married the right person.
The song that kept playing on my mind today is one of my favorite songs of all time. It's from Stephen Bishop who, coincidentally, will do a concert here in Cebu in Waterfront Hotel with its rude security guards. I'm glad I'm singing the soundtrack of my life, rather than marching to other people's bandwagon tunes. I'm happy to touch base with my Authentic Self even if I sometimes feel drained by so much superficiality around me.
"I guess I wanted something new in my life, a new key, to fit a new door," Stephen sings, "to wake a see a different view in my life, that one I've been waiting for..."
Something New In My Life
(See also Huggybear's Favorite Songs By Stephen Bishop)
this is true in my life,
when all the springs
have come and gone..."
October 2, 2013
I've always been a keen student of human nature and a good judge of character. Today I was really overwhelmed. I have never been in a room with so many people almost losing their minds with giddy exhilaration from stupid nonsense. Never have I been thrown in the company of so many people desperately upstaging others. I have never seen so many people excessively obsessed with being the center of attention. I find that sincerity is quite rare in this town. I'm stranded in a place where I've been on the verge of leaving because of the parochial mentality of its native culture. Their idea of fun is making fun of others. Their idea of friendship has no place for respect and dignity.
My recovery from my encounter with "Doomsday," is taking longer than I ever imagined. But I'm now working and saving up for my next trip, for the next chapter of my life. I have no more interest in fame or fortune. All I want is simplicity and authenticity until the end of my present lifetime.
October 5, 2013
Today I made a decision that changed everything. Now I have set my future.
"I'll never be the same again," to borrow the lines of a song. I never thought that I would "change so much in so many ways..."
You Changed My Life
"How many people are like you?" a character in Salt, which I saw I earlier on cable, asked Angelina Jolie.
It made me think of how many are like me.
"None," was the reply.
I'm a voyager. I don't make judgments about the culture of the places along the way. But I just don't belong here. All I want is peace and quiet, away from narrow minded people and the madness of the world.
"This traveling boy," sings Paul Williams, " is only passing through..."
(See also Huggybear's Favorite Songs By Paul Williams)
"I won't say that I'll be back again
but time will tell the tale..."