September 21-27 Edition
Jonathan Aquino's Journals
September 4, 2012
In almost every class I've taken in school and work
trainings, I always had classmates who insist on showing others how brilliant
they are. They seem so desperate to impress everybody. Like, they would absorb
a lesson faster, and they act like they have become the experts. They don't
seem to realize that, in displaying their intelligence, they inadvertently show
how superficial it is.
They are called epal, a Filipino colloquial term that refers to those who want to
hog the spotlight. (The word comes from papel, the local term for
"paper," which can also mean "role," The idea is: they want
to have a role in every scene.)
What I find equally
pathetic are the others who try to be like them, wanting to show the world they
are also elite, part of in the "in" crowd. I don't think they are
better than me, for the simple reason that I don't feel inferior. But they never
cease to amuse me
October
7, 2012
I make a difference by making myself happy. That
means there is one less lonely person in the world. It's not about being
selfish, far from it. I believe that "The greatest love of all is learning
to love yourself." Think about it: Why do some people even go to the
extent of making a fool of themselves just to gain the approval of others? It's
because there's a feeling of emptiness so they need other people to validate
their worth.
Me, on the other hand,
go the opposite way. I make it a point to be self-contained and
self-sustaining, totally free, as possible; I work hard towards it. I want
approval, but I don't want to need it. There's a world of difference there.
Four things why I know
I'm not insecure: I don't like gossip, I don't suck up to so-called authority
figures, I'm not desperate to impress others, and I'm genuinely happy for other
people's victories.
October
15, 2012
I got a couple of tips which I'm using. I'm writing
it down so I won't forget. From a bodybuilding book while browsing National
Bookstore in SM Manila, first it's taking creatine supplement (apparently our
daily diet ain't enough for muscle-building protein). Dosage is 4 grams a day 5
days, then 2 grams a day for a month. Then stop for a month. Start all over.
You can them per piece in most fitness shops; I got them from Tia Loleng (or
sounds like it), a herbal store in Cash & Carry mall beside the South Super Highway.
Two gym buff friends
gave me additional routines, recommended for beginners: dumbell lifts, 15 lbs,
15 reps, 4 sets = 60 repetitions. Muscles need to rest for 48 hours to grow,
they say. For building muscles and burning fats on the sides: dumbell bends.
Also, rather than daily alternating upper and lower, do it all in one go every
two days. Okay, got it.
December 20, 2012
I sincerely doubt I'll ever be a vegetarian: I love
pork steak, roast chicken and tuna sandwiches too much. My lunch on was
giniling, a local Filipino dish of ground pork. I only had one order of rice; I
have radically decreased my carb intake for optimal health. I now eat small
meals throughout my waking period, rather than 3 big-time meals. Another thing:
I don't eat while I'm sleeping.
For snacks, I eat
mostly fruits: ponkan oranges are sold at 5 pesos piece at Alabang market, a
real fruit haven. I also drink a tremendous amount of water to detoxify my
systems and burn fat. I must have drunk more water this past week than most
people drink in a month. I'm Aquaman. Coincidentally, the radio is playing John
Mayer's Your Body Is A Wonderland.
December
27, 2012
I had an epiphany while having McDonald's lunch
during my graveyard shift.
I had long ago noticed
that some people criticize others with standards they don't apply to
themselves. Then I suddenly realized that some people judge others but
subconsciously basing it on themselves. That's why one lazy person I know
couldn't believe that I would persevere in achieving a much better life than I
had. He has dismissed all my efforts as just pure luck. I was just lucky, he's
not, and he's fully convinced of that, justifying his self-limiting ways. God,
he said, is unfair.
Earlier, at 8:28 p.m.,
I was sitting on the steps besides the office building, overlooking the
Northgate carpark. I'd always have coffee and cigarettes before shift to empty
my mind. Some guys were talking. One said he can't control his spending habits,
and another guy piped in an agreement. It reminds me of what I always tell my
students when I was a private tutor: if you say you're bad in math, then you
will make it harder on yourself. Labeling yourself means never trying to change.
December 24, 2012
My call center shift is 9 p.m. to 6 a.m., Mondays to Fridays. When I get home, I'd do yoga and some dumbell workouts before breakfast. Then I'd listen to the radio. This morning, Alden Richards is guest at The Morning Rush with Chico and Delamar, Richards is one of the stars of The Road and the soap One True Love, which came after the now-defunct Makapiling Kang Muli. which I'd been addicted to because I have this big crush on Carla Abellana.
He was asked: If he's a Christmas food, what would he be? I can relate to his answer and really impressed by his wit: "I would be a fruit salad, a little bit of everything, and very creamy!"
December
28, 2012
I went inside a Starbucks for the very first time
and what happened turned me off. On December 26, I bought two slices of
chocolate cake worth 300 pesos, around 1 a.m., at the Northgate branch, for our
office post-Christmas gift exchange. I was in a hurry and I just found out that
there was only one slice of cake, when the recipient told me.
Too bad I don't have
the receipt anymore. I haven't even tasted the darn thing, but it must be so
delicious because the crews would even steal from their customers. I'm
intrigued but, like the greedy-priced Dunkin' Donuts, I'd stay away from
Starbucks Northgate from now on.
January
1, 2013
Stories on ancient civilizations like the Mayans and
the Aztecs are closely linked with stories of aliens, like the Annunaki,
featured on my blog 2Rivers. We human beings seemed blinded by our demands for
empirical proof that we are placing science over God (except in private
moments) and our real spiritual nature.
Are we so egoistic and
narrow-minded that we refuse to accept even the possibility that we are not
alone in this infinite universe?
January 4, 2013
Northgate Cyberzone is a campus-like call center hub
in Alabang, Muntinlupa, less than 20 kms. south of Manila. As I write this, I'm
renting a room in a quiet family compound in CENA village at the end of
Northgate, a five-minute walk to where I'm a BPO workerbee.
Here is where I pass
through going home, across the sprawling Wilcon Builders building, when I'm
coming from Alabang. The vacant lot on the right is gone now: a blue fence has
enclosed the construction site of another building.
Here is where I pass
through every morning coming from work: the jogging lane at the back of the
Bellevue Hotel.
This scene takes me
back to U.P. Diliman, always reminding me of With Honors, set in Harvard, one
of my favorite movies. The theme, I'll Remember by Madonna, is one of my
favorite songs of all time.
My beautiful daybreak
route always calls to mind Mornin', my favorite song from one of my all-time
favorite artists: the jazz god Al Jarreau.
.
January
30, 2013
Follow-Up
Notes and Replies To Facebook Updates
A basketball superstar was asked how he was able to
concentrate with millions literally watching his every move. He said he just
simplified the situation: "You only have to make one shot." The
writer Bill Crowder didn't name the player but that passage for May 24 in the
2013 Daily Bread altered my perspective of everything. The reading for that day
is (or will be) Matthew 6:25-34: "Do not worry about tomorrow..."
My favorite Diogenes
story is when someone was taunting him with his not-so-squeaky-clean past. His
reply was perfectly elegant: "What I was, you are now. What I am now, you
will never be."
There was an
opportunity for me to appear in those ST (sex trip) films in the 90s. No
regrets that I was dumb enough to turn it down. My contemporaries would have
been Marcus Madrigal and Gerald Madrid.
Richard Bach's short
novel about a talking bird literally changed my life for the best. I gained the
strength and insights to be who I am and become what I want to be. I am now
free from the fear of being alone and being myself. I can fly, unchained from
the expectation that I should conform to be part of the herd.
I borrowed a study desk
from my landlady but it doesn't have a cover. I'm in the midst of moving house.
Again. I don’t know if I'll have a table in the next one, wherever that is.
We are children of the universe, no
less than Japanese cherry blossoms and the entire Alpha Centauri. We have a
right to be here just like the aliens taken in Roswell and Halley's comet which
is God knows where. “With all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams, it is
still a beautiful world,” it says in Desiderata. “Be cheerful. Strive to be
happy.”
Thank you my dear cousins
and my long-time friends! Forgive me for crying but I really am touched. I care
about you guys too! We are Care Bears!
February
1, 2013
Follow-Up
Notes and Replies To Facebook Updates
I'm not here to judge, and it gives me comfort that
I know that God listens to everyone without exception.
I'm not interested in
meeting Satan but I find him intriguing. In the wilderness temptation episodes,
he and Jesus seemed to have known each other a long time. The Devil also seemed
to come and go in Heaven: he even made a deal with God, like he did with Faust.
Or for that matter, with Jabez Stone, the doomed client of Stephen Vincent
Benet's Dan'l Webster.
Everything is a matter of choice, my friend.
Sometimes our reflections can reveal what we're looking for, which organized
religion cannot.
The song Ugoy Ng Duyan,
with music by Lucio San Pedro, is undeniably a masterpiece. But chances are,
Levi Celerio's lyrics scribbled on a boat stationery would have been rejected
if Levi was not yet famous during the time. A lot of people judge merit based
on external things, like resume and name-recall. That's why JK Rowling found it
so hard and frustrating to get Harry into print: she was still unknown then.
Publishers and editors who can recognize real talent based on one's work alone
are rare.
February
3, 2013
I blazed my own trail, away from the paths taken by
most people. My life has been one great adventure. I've jumped from fires to
frying pans, and it's been one hell of an exhilarating ride. I can look at
anyone in the eye and say, in all honesty, that I have never violated anybody's
trust in me.
Equally, important: I
have not done anyone harm, and I have never taken advantage of anybody.
February
4, 2013
Yesterday I ended a landmark chapter in my psychedelically
colorful life. That adventure triggered contemplation on being a true leader:
leadership is not about enforcing rules. It's about bringing out the best in
people. Ultimately, it's about transforming them into team players while
letting them express their own individuality. This morning, I inadvertently
locked my personal ATM with the PIN from my payroll debit card from my last
job. Hopefully, that will be my last source of income as an employee. It proves
also I’m such an idiot.
I got into a situation
where I had these thoughts on entrepreneurship: What makes you rich is not
money but your mindset. I learned that from one of the best talks I've seen by
my mentor Tony Robbins.
February
6, 2013
Continuing where I left off: I was offered to be
part of a business by a friend from way back. That was the Saturday following
my Friday resignation last week. We are supposed to market personalized gift
items, specifically targeting politicians in the coming elections. It brought
to mind Hamlet. He observes that too much thought and planning "lose the
name of action."
A fired-up enthusiasm
and grandiose plans oftentimes result in failure. Why? I had these thoughts on
being in a position of authority: The critical factor in handling people
effectively is their morale. People are at their best when you give them
freedom, a sense of responsibility and a feeling of belonging. The fastest way
to destroy their motivation is to stand behind them, criticizing their work and
treating them as inferior because you pay their salary. They work to earn, but
it's also a basic human need to want to be respected, to be dealt with without
violating their dignity.
I admire, with some
qualifications, goal-oriented people; as compared with those who live
passively, bemoaning fate. I think people who have failed in all their business
ventures in the past deserve second chances, like the people who want me to
partner with them. I believe in redemption. I'm a risk-taker and I constantly
defy my comfort zone. But there is something to be said about having a track
record of abusing your employees, of having a reputation as someone to avoid.
I saw how lucrative the
business can be, but given the work atmosphere emanating from the top, I can
also see its inevitable end just around the corner. There was a buyer of a
thousand pieces of personalized fans for a political party. My wannabe partners
just began doing them that Saturday night, and I learned that because I just
happened to drop by because I was taking care of some personal affairs in
Manila.
They were doing heat
press with a flat iron. I voluntarily helped with the labor as a favor. It was
soon clear that it was impossible to meet the deadline by that method. I
suggested doing silkscreen instead. Every suggestion from everybody is treated
as a cause of aggravation: that alone defined the culture and revealed the handwriting
on the wall.
By that time, I've come
to feel responsible for the project because I've been associated with it. I was
the one who went out to look for a silk screener. I found one who also became a
friend. I forged the perfect deal. In short, the project was finished and the
items were delivered on time. That positive result from the radical change in
method is in itself symbolical of how to achieve success. And it also saved the
workers, who slaved nonstop, from being fired and thrown out. And I'm even
downplaying my role, at that. I had these thoughts on being proactive.
It's nice if people do
their responsibilities without being told. But sometimes they seem not to, or
they don't at all. I believe it's better to give them a soft nudge rather than remaining
silent and backstabbing them. I know that from experience: I've handled people.
If there's one thing I learned, it's that people would go the extra mile if he
feels he's being appreciated.
One of the many reasons
why I have inner peace, like I wrote in one my Facebook updates, is that I
don't "reform" people; I just accept. I will now add to that, in the
context of being in position of leadership: I feel peace because I'm always
proactive. If I want something from someone, I would ask. Nicely.
If you don't care enough to take
initiative to achieve your goal, then you don't deserve it. It's as simple as
that.
February
5, 2013
The world doesn't owe us happiness. Nobody is
obligated to conform to our expectations. I learned from Tony Robbins that one
of the keys to success is seeing things the way they are. "But not worse
than they are." If your focus is the color red, you will even count
maroon. Same way: If you're looking for happiness, you'll find it, even in
places that you won't normally look.
The key is focus. My
focus during my many life crises is to recover and follow my passions: writing
and traveling. I did it, even though I have a thousand and one reasons to lose
hope. Its because I had created in my mind what I want, and its so real that
its compelling me towards it. I learned from another mentor, Wayne Dyer, that
"When you change the way you look at things, the thing you're looking at
changes."
One of the greatest
lessons I learned in life is to take responsibility for my actions. I first
heard that from Don Juan Matus, the Yacqui Indian Sorcerer from Carlos
Castaneda's Journey To Ixtlan. That was further stressed by Wayne Dyer in Your
Erroneous Zones, the book that radically changed my life by giving me the
freedom to be myself and to express my own unique personality without having to
depend on the approval of others.
Taking responsibility
for my actions means not blaming anyone else for the consequences for the
things I did or didn't do, the words I said or didn't say, the choices I made
or didn't. Blame is seductive but destructive. That doesn't help any. It's
about saying, "I did this" and "we can do something about
it," like Renee Zelwegger's dialogue in Jerry Maguire in a different scene
from when he had her at hello.
Real happiness comes
from a sense of being complete unto yourself, with the connection to the
Source. Happiness that depends on people outside of yourself will be fleeting.
Still, I would enjoy myself in a blind date. I will just enjoy the moment. No
emotional attachment. But if it leads to something that could last more than
one night, I won't deny myself that shot.
There are no guarantees
in anything, and I won't immobilize my present moment for imagined fears for a
future that hasn't happened, a future that I have more control over than I give
myself credit.
"Just enjoy the
moment," Anne Curtis tells my idol Aga Muhlach in When Love Begins.
"Just enjoy the beach..."
And yes, love begins
with one hello.
