Simplifying My Life

I used to believe that a hectic schedule is synonymous with success – not realizing that I inadvertently equated relaxation with mediocrity, or worse, failure.

Which is not the case at all in real life. I now know this firsthand, having adapted most if not all of the timeless tips from simplicity guru Elaine St. James in her bestseller Simplify Your Life

The most fundamental rule in simplifying your life is to reduce clutter in your house and workplace, which is also (another coincidence) the first rule in feng shui. What I did was to maximize space like putting easily-misplaced everyday stuff (nail-cutters, razor, comb, cotton buds etc.) in a plastic box on the dresser top in front of the mirror.

I also brought a blue plastic laundry basket so whenever I get home from work, my room doesn’t look like typhoon Milenyo returned.

Organizing my dresser drawer became one of my priorities. I would imagine some people might think it trivial, but there’s a psychological benefit that you know – unlike Michael Keaton’s Bruce Wayne in the original Batman movie – where your socks are.

St. James’ Rule Number 7 is “Run your errands in one place.” This is obviously an obvious gem of wisdom – which I’ve always ignored. I have lost count how many times I had to run back and forth to the neighborhood sari-sari store because I forgot to buy vinegar…and cooking oil…and fabric conditioner…and shampoo…

What I do now is to schedule my shopping and to customize my grocery supplies to follow that schedule. So sometimes, in the case of, say, ketchup, I follow Rule Number 5: “Buy in bulk.” Translated for me, it means buying a bigger bottle.

That rule is super-handy for mothers, and is also the overriding practice of restaurant owners.

I have yet to implement Rule Number 59: “Have a fruit or juice fast one day a week,” but I am already practicing Rule Number 60 – “Make water your drink of choice.” Why? Well, not because I don’t like soft drinks or iced tea (which I really do, promise!) but there are short-term and long-term purposes for that.

In the short-term, I can save money, that much is clear. In the long run, drinking water not only helps purify my body of toxins but also minimizes risks of developing diabetes.

My life really changed upon reading and putting into practice Chapter 6 – “Your Personal Life.”

Top of the list is Rule Number 72: “Clean up your relationships.” This, of course, is not simple. Not simple at all. But it’s not all that complicated either.

What do you do to people whose friendships are no longer worth fighting for? I’m talking about people who have stabbed you in the back. The answer is simple: say goodbye and good riddance.

It is a bit more complex regarding friends who unintentionally bring you down, or at least, prevent you from living you life to the fullest. These are people who expect you to be at their beck and call whenever they need you for whatever reason. St. James says that sometimes it is better to just simply fade away from their lives.

Thanks to Rule Number 76 – “Stop trying to change people” – I now achieved a significant measure of peace of mind. You know what I’m talking about: “Why is so-and-so like that?” or “I wish he would stop being such-and-such.” The trick, apparently, is to just let them be.

You can offer advice, and that’s natural in all kinds of all relationships, but obligating people to adapt to your standards is a sure fire way to shower stress into your life.

“Change your expectations,” goes rule Number 88. This not only applies to people but to most things that come my way; like I told a friend of mine when he was applying for different call centers: Bring out your best, but be prepared for the possibility of rejections – and getting up again because the journey is not yet over.

In his column in the Philippine Star a week after I wrote the first daft of this story, leadership guru and my favorite columnist Francis J. Kong sobered my mind by reminding me not to take snobs and rejections personally. I incorporated that in my life and in my pep talk to my friend when he got his second rejection.

The timing is just a coincidence – or maybe not.

At any rate, my friend fell twice, but got up thrice – and is now officially a customer service representative in a call center in Makati.

Come to think of it, simplifying our life is much, much more than a change of lifestyle; it’s more of a change in mindset – and by extension, a change of attitude.

And when you have changed your attitude, you have changed your life.

It is that simple.

(Photo courtesy of King County Library. You comments are welcome and will be answered. You can link your site with EasyHyperLinks – just delete “target” from your customized HTML)

Good Day Sunshine: How To Be A Positive Thinker

Joanne Kathleen Rowling is the wizard behind the spellbinding Harry Potter saga – but the media bewitched her image. “I did and still do write in cafes, and I was broke,” says the creator of Hogwarts, Quidditch and the Daily Prophet. “But the early stories neglected to mention that I come from a middle-class background, I have a degree in French and classics, and that working as a teacher was my intended bridge out of poverty.” The power of positive thinking has changed the course of history countless times. If there’s a Will there’s a Way – and there’s also a Won’t, it depends on you. Here are the five steps in developing optimism as revealed by psychotherapists Joseph T. Martorano, M.D., and John H. Kildahl, Ph.D., in their book Beyond Negative Thinking (Insight). 1) Tune in to your thoughts. The mind and the body are one, so if you think you will succeed, you will. But “If you’ve been feeling down, it could be you’re sending yourself negative messages,” says Martorano and Kildahl. Good or bad, “Soon your thoughts will do your bidding” and “your feelings and actions will change too.” Noelle Wenceslao, followed closely by Carina Dayondon and Janet Belarmino, is the first Southeast Asian woman to scale the peak of Mt. Everest – despite suffering from pulmonary edema. “You have to be strong mentally,” says the 27-year old Petty Officer Third Class from the Philippine Coast Guard. “What makes the difference is how mentally tough your are.” 2) Isolate destructive words and phrases. Even exorcists and sorcerers agree that words have power. You can wallow in self-pity like in the Filipino song which goes, “Sa tulad kong putik” – or you can psych yourself up like Mariah Carey who sings, “I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again.” “By isolating words and phrases, you can pinpoint the damage you’re doing to yourself,” say Martorano and Kildahl. “Make it a habit to remember your best self, the You that you want to be.” Oliver Stone has been dismissed as “tainted goods,” the Hollywood term for a pariah because his masterpiece Alexander was a box-office flop – but the indomitable Oscar-winning filmmaker returned with the highly-visceral, gut-wrenching and deeply inspiring World Trade Center. Recalls Will Jimeno, the Port Authority police officer who was trapped under the rubble of Ground Zero and was portrayed by Michael Peña: “I gave Oliver a big hug and kiss and I said, ‘You kept to your word, You told the story as accurate and as true as you could.’ The main thing is when you leave the theater, you leave with a sense off hope and love.” 3) Stop the thought. Sages throughout the millennia have counseled that the conquest of self is a wise man’s crowning glory. “Short-circuit negative messages as soon as they start by using the word command Stop! ‘What will I do if…? Stop!” say Mastorano and Kildahl. “To be effective at stopping, you have to be forceful and tenacious” and “Picture yourself drowning out the inner voice of fear.” Philippe Cousteau was devastated by Steve Irwin’s fatal encounter with a stingray on the Great Barrier Reef – but he suspended his grief and instead focused his attention on their finishing their documentary as a way of honoring the famed adventurer. “I was the only person who could finish it in a cohesive fashion,” says the co-narrator of Animal Planet’s Oceans’ Deadliest and grandson of the legendary oceanographer Jacques Yves Cousteau. “I had a responsibility.” 4) Accentuate the positive. It is more rewarding to face the sunshine than to brood about the shadows. Nature doesn’t allow a vacuum. “Once you’ve exorcised the demons by calling a Stop, replace them with good thoughts,” say Mastorano and Kildahl. “Over the years we’ve discovered that when people think differently, they feel – and act – differently. It’s all on controlling your thoughts.” Jennifer Hudson’s show-stopping performance as Effie White in the critically acclaimed film version of Dreamgirls electrified Tinseltown and vindicated her loss in American Idol – and the jokes about the fat lady who sings. “Why should I feel like the minority when the majority of America is a size 12?” says the Oscar winner. “I have a little singer’s pouch, that’s where the voice comes from, so you’re all going to have to get used to my jelly (laughs).” 5) Reorient yourself. Everything is subjective and your attitude depends on your perspective. Hamlet was living in a castle but he thinks of it as a prison – while Nelson Mandela was incarcerated for years but his heart and soul remained free. “Re-orient yourself right now. You are tense because you must finish a huge project by Friday. On Saturday you plan to go shopping with friends. Re-orient from ‘Friday workload’ to Saturday fun.’ ” say Mastorano and Kildahl. “By re-orienting, you can learn to see yourself and the world d around you differently. If you think you can do something, you increase your chances of doing it. Optimism gets you moving.” United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon was asked by Newsweek how he would handle the situation if South Korea, an ally of Washington, gets stuck in between the United States and other developing countries. “Instead of being stuck in between, South Korea can positively play the role of a bridge,” suavely replied the 62-year old career diplomat and former South Korean Foreign Minister. “At the same time, South Korea can understand the pains and difficulties of developing nations because she has risen by overcoming those.” Harry Potter photo courtesy of ScreenRush. This story originally appeared in Philippine Panorama, December 16, 2007 Your comments and blog links are welcome